Jabroner's Daily Description

well here i am...

right now i just ate a nice lunch that my mom prepared for me. steak and sausage with ranch style beans. very good. today has been going by smoothly except for the fact that i didn't set my alarm correctly. i set it for 5:45 pm instead of am. good job moron. i didn't even hear the phone ring, so sorry chris, that is definitely my bad. as it was, i woke up at 11am. only a couple hours behind schedule...

but i did get to see heather for alittle bit. she seems so stressed out and tired all the time now. seems like when we "seperated" she just got bogged down with alot more stuff. oh well, she has the time to get it done i'm sure.

I have a test tonite at 5:30 for carroll's class so i'll be studying for that for the next couple hours, inbetween i have to go to a tire place and have my tired patched up so i can drive back to mcallen with 2 spares again.

I have a big project to do for english class too... so that's gonna take up alot of my time from now on. Well... i think that is all i have for now. so here it goes :

Winamp: The Eagles - Hotel California

Windows: 4

Mood: :/

~Insert witty catch phrase here...

Alive

today was spent out on PINS with my mom. she had a blast out there. came home with about 7 whiting. all i caught all day was skipjacks. still nice though

All day i kept thinking about that song, "don't break my heart again" and heather. i miss her alot. i miss spending time with her. but oh well... i guess she's having more fun and doing w/e it is that she has to do for school/work better now without having me to lag her. as for me... well, I like the sauce.

~coherency is out the window

Been running on...

vapors it seems. i'm so tired. 3 hours of sleep = not good for driving, school, and other things. bleh...

my mom is staying with me for a couple days. her little vacation and my little catch up time. werd...

Still working on that paper

yea, that's what i'm doing. after talking it over with some friends i think i feel better about what i must do. i just hope the consequences are worth it. we'll see... time will time... time will tell. that's what i meant. not time willl time. ugh... its already started. i'm too lazy to even hit the backspace key.


the post prior to this one WAS the last coherent post. i'm so tired.

Winamp: lit - my own worst enemy ('net radio)

Windows: 4

not on my cpu... i'm on the one in the valley.

~ i have no catch phrases...

Mainlines

2 out of 3 things that help keep me sane are gone. i fear this will be the last coherent blog i am going to post for quite a long time. things have been rough today. i woke up alright, got ready for work and everything just fine, but i feel like a zombie. not b/c i don't have sleep or anything, but b/c i feel like there is a big void in my life now that those 2 things are no longer a part of my life. i guess i couldn't quite put my finger on it earlier but now i can. so now i must take up something to fill those voids and what that will be, i haven't the best idea. maybe i'll just go play frisbee golf here and see if that lands me where i need to be.

I'm so unhappy, i want to go back to so many places and i can't b/c i can only be in one at any given time. bottom line here is i'm depressed. why beat around the bush? i don't even know why either, its just one of those days i guess... i feel horrible. i feel like a woman. i know i have so many things to do and not enough time to do them all in. i have piss poor time management skills and i am a loser. i swear. uff. i can't control any emotions, or my tear ducts for that matter. everything just seems to want to spill out at the most horrid of times and frankly i'm not sure how much longer it'll last. all i know is i can't stand it. i miss the old me. the happy-go-lucky-go-fk-yourself-if-you-don't-like-it me. i used to not give a damn about anything. if things happened, they happened, just have to adjust. the current "me" just analyzes everything to the point that i think stupid things. not stupid like, " o the world would be better off without me" shit, but like just dumb things i know couldn't possibly happen or would happen even if hell froze over.

I'm going home after work today. i hope this helps. i need some time with the family to remind me why i'm doing what i am. not to stay away from them, but so that I remember why they sacrificed so much for me. I just want them to be proud of me. i know they are, but i think i can do much better for them. THings will turn around i'm sure. but as i said, i fear that this is the last coherent blog you will see from me. its almost like i'm going senial and this is my last will and testament.

I wish things could be as they were, but I have no control over anything anymore. I don't even know if i have control over my own bodily functions. bowels excluded...

I guses i should eat something before going back to work. in all honesty though, i really don't feel like eating. i guess that's the depression. don't fret, i'll force feed myself. i have to.

God help me, give me strength.

i'm a weirdo

heather was nice enough to invite me to go bowling with her and a couple of her friends tonite. sadly i did not have any funds to partake of this event. so i sat and watched. maybe next time... right now i'm writing a paper for english class that's due on monday. who would've thought that i would be working on it TODAY instead of sunday nite. well i'll tell you why...

i work from 8am to 6pm. then i have to take a little trip to the valley and pick up my 'rents and bring them back THAT NITE so my dad and i can renew my lease here at this shitty apt complex. once i get back, i have w/e amount of time to sleep and wake up at 5:30am to go work at big lots... FOR THE LAST TIME. if i really can't wake up, i'll just not show. big deal. they screwed me over, so why not me screw them? i dunno, i guess cuz i have a conscience. so after i get out of work there at 12pm, i have class at 1pm. hardly enough time for me to even consider working on a decent paper. o yea and today i worked from 8am to 5pm. they let me out early today. i can only pray to God that they'll do the same tomorrow. if they do, i'll take them up on it b/c i need any extra spare time i can get. my paper should be 4-6 pages typed, dbl spaced and all that jazz. well i have about 1.5 pages written on paper, so that's about 2 typed. easily. plus i know once i start actually typing it that i'll add here and there and make it longer. nothing that will detract from the effectiveness of the paper though.

so yea, that's about it. i have a long 48 hours ahead of me. but i will say this. right now, i'm listening to a badass song by RBF (then again, which song isn't?) called [i think its RBF who sings it] All i want is more. if you've never heard it, you should. i think its a good song. always have. well yea, i'm gonna go back to writing. i don't wannna be up more longer.

~meh...

yea... well yea...

not much to talk about today, i think the epiphany went alright. still working on it i guess? gonna go now, not much to say, maybe later on.

Winamp: john digweed - virtual trancer

Ims: 1

Windows: 5


~kinda but not really rockin...

feeling good

feeling purty good right now. i had an epiphany. if that's even spelled right. but who cares, this isn't english class.... right? speaking of, i have a paper to write for that english class i'm taking. i still haven't done it, but its due monday so i have some time to get it done.

Sunday nite i'm going to the valley to pick up my 'rents so they can come up and renew my lease with me. being that i'm a student i have to have them sign. oh well, it'll be nice to have them here for a few hours. plus i'll be able to go home and give them all that fish i've had in my freezer for the past couple weeks. **note to self** go to T-heads and see about getting some shrimp.

wow i just looked up epiphany. i DID spell it right. gg education. speaking of fishing though, its been a while since i've gone. right now the tides are about 4 ft higher than what they normally are. which is quite scary if you ask me. i thought about going wade fishing tomorrow behind the university after class, (which is something i haven't done this semester yet [what the hell is wrong with me?]) but, i don't think i am due to the high tides and me not liking not having polarized glasses during these times. anywho, like i said i feel good b/c of me having that epiphany... its nice to feel good once ina while isn't it?

well yea i think that about covers my day. i got my test back from my lain american history class and i got a B on it. which isn't too bad, but i think i could've done better. the next test is going to be a bit harder i think, but i think i'll manage. hopefully. tomorrow is the day i'll be dropping that outrageous ethics class. yea, it sucks. i'm dropping it only to have to take it in the summer, but oh well. i'll get it out of the way when i have time to devote time to just one course.

things with heather are ok i guess, more apart than together. but phil you are right, you'll prolly end up the best man if things go right again. if not, well you'll still get to be the best man... just at another wedding. as i said though, i had an epiphany, so who knows what's gonna happen with that and this. not this and that. bleh, enough of that... on to more good times.

So i asked for the time off from work, all i have to do is get the paper work back to them and i'll keep my fingers crossed that they grant me my wish. if not, bleh... if so, yay! and off to SFA i go and to my nephew's b-day party. well one is before the other. i hate how rude people are on IMs and chat rooms. you ask a simple question and they jump your ass or totally ignore you. those inconsiderate fuckers. oh well, that is all for now... i'll post up later and tell of the results of the epiphany... till next time true believers... (don't sue me stan lee, i love your work)

winamp: 311 - evolution
IRC: nada
IMs: 0
windows: 4

~kinda rockin...

I'm a Rocket Man.

so today was a weird day i guess. i get up and go to work. while i was out there i just came to a realization about my past relationship. i guess w/e happens, happens. i dunno, i'm not really in the mood to comment on that, and in fact it feels a little weird to refer to it as a "past relationship". so i'll just leave it at that.

Tomorrow i have to work for big lots. ugh. i'm seriously thinking about finally quitting that dead end job and just working for lowe's. its not like they work me all that much there at biglots and when i do work, its not like they need me all that much. anyway, i work for them tomorrow. if things get on my nerves, i'm gonna quit. which more than likely they will... that's gonna be a To Be Continued...

Other than that, life goes on. School is kicking my butt, and i'm already thinking about dropping a class. don't worry its not cuz i can't hack 12 hours. its cuz i can't hack 9 hours of class and one measely 3 hour class that thinks its a graduate student course. i swear, this class is horrible. they think i have 6 hours a day outside of class to devote to this class. they're full of shit if they think that. stupid basterds. there's 3 portions to the class. a web portion, lecture and "mini" lecture. i hate all 3. but by far the min lecture is the lesser of the 3 evils. i bet you thought i was going to say it was the web portion. ha. hardly. tell me, what class have you taken that the web portion of the class is 50% of the grade. yea, insane isn't it?

other than that, i've been just plugging along. speaking of plugging along, i want to go fishing. but i really haven't felt the want to. well... till now. things with heather went sour and thing with the weather went sour so that played a big role with me not wanting to do much... but now... i dunno. we'll see...

~Almost Rockin...

Trying to keep busy

problem is, i have already done much of what was needed to do. i'm running out of things to do, so next might be to play some video games. today was just a weird day. i won't go into details, but it was a weird day. perhaps a little time to reflect is needed. nah.. lord knows i've done enough of that.

i've washed the mountain of clothes i had here... i cleaned up the kitchen and living room area. all my fishing rods are cleaned/put away. most of my fishing gear is put away. bout 90% of it as opposed to 30% of it. i vacuumed the lil apt i have. i PUT away the clothes i washed. hell i even worked out. that was insane. i haven't done that since like... high school. like a serious work out. where i had to shower afterwards. i guess it wouldn't be such a bad idea to start doin that nite in and nite out. who knows, maybe i'll drop a few pounds.

Other than that, i guess i'm hanging in there. haha. who would've thought... but meh, such is my life. i broke the news to the 'rents. i think they took it well...

WinamP: incubus-make yourself
IMs: 1
windows open : 6
IRC: nothing.

~I still don't feel like rockin...

Might as well get it out in the open

Gonna have to do it sooner or later. Well, to bring you all up to speed, heather and I are no longer together. I won't go into details, but it was my fault. That is all i am going to say about that.

That has been biggest thing that has happened to me right now. The first couple of days were not going so well for me in dealing with this, but there is hope. its going to take alot of work to get to the end of the tunnel. frankly, i think right now the tunnel is filling up with water, but i think i can find the valve and make the water go down.

anywho, school is draggin, i had my first test in latin american history. i hope i did well on it. lord knows i had other things on my mind. we'll see. well, seeing as how i don't have much else to say, i'm going to go now.

~i don't feel like rockin...

Things are... going?

not too sure if things are coming or going these days. but that's neither hear nor there... its my fault for not having a set scope on things. so anyway...

i know i shouldn't have, but i bought myself a new reel last nite. ambassadeur 5600. nice orange finish on it. i like it. i spooled it up with 12 lb cajun red line and it worked out nicely. now i'm itching to try that bad boy out. i'm sure it'll toss my topwaters out to the 2nd gut. ok , well maybe not that far, but it'll get them out... and back in. more than i can say for my other poor garcia. let's see... i bought it in 7th grade... wow, close to 10 years ago. insane. well not bad for a reel to last that long with the original parts in it. i can't complain, those are in my opinion the best reels for a fisherman who isn't anal about cleaning things everyday.

so here i am. yes, i'm skipping class today. i have a test later on tonite and need every spare moment to study. "so what are you doing on the cpu," you may be asking right now... i'm not even sure myself...

~Rock On...

Fishing was a blast.

some poor basterd got hit by a shark down at south padre... while fishing of all things... wonder if he had a stringer with him? oh well, enough of him, i had a blast. fish broke a reel of mine, and i lost 2 lures that caught fish. came home with a 15" mack, 19" speck and a 26" red. not bad for a day of fishing. caught more, but released them cuz they were either too small or ...... yea just too small. i'm going to bed now, i'm waiting for heather to call and let me know she's home and that's all
bed time for now i'll elaborate later on the happenings down on PINS.

~Rock On...

its going...


Things are going. classes are a drag, but a necessesity... if that's even spelled right. see kids, don't miss out on your edumacation. you might need it later on. As for everything else in life, its going... work seems to be at a stand-still, but i work saturday and sundays for lowe's. so i'm happy that i have SOME money rolling in. big lots gave me one day... 5.5 hours. wow. what ever shall i do with all that money. i'll end up with like 20 bucks after taxes. stupid beggars...

that is all that i have to say about that. tonite heather has a program she is leading for her building. i get to help out. i have been drafted. she says she doesn't mind if i don't help, but i don't mind helping even though that's what it may seem like. what else do i have to do? nothing... that's what. so yea, i'm in. right now she's making some lasagna. should be good i think, if its not, i'll be sure to let you all know. now she has this fascination with calling me "pumpkin". personally i don 't like it. i have never even in my most fattest of days EVER looked like a pumpkin. so why now? i'm not even as fat as i used to be. so wtf?

meh...

i have to go grocery shopping in a while, so i'm gonna go get that done, now that i have some money left. after bills and bills and more bills... and rent. out of my 1000 refund from school, i have 60 bucks. sweet deal eh? haha. that's life i guess. but the good thing is i get paid next week. so rizock on. well that is all for now, i just wanted to update this thing some b/c it looked all dead. so now its semi-alive (?)

on a side note, i'll be fishing PINS tomorrow, so whoever wants to go, hell i'm even offering to PICK YOU UP. if you live close enough... well yea, that's all i'm off... HEB here i come!

~Rock On...

I'm just a busy b!

busy is an understatement i think...

i've been so busy with work and school i've hardly had time to touch my poor old pooter. poor thing just runs on and on. but the good thing is i get to spend SOME time with heather... so its alright.

I went fishing this past friday... before the onslaught of work began. some labor day weekend that way for me :/ got out to PINS and parked by 6:45 am. started fishing while it was still dark and came up with a nice palm sized jack. i only mentioned this because this is my first jack ever. so what if it was only about 6 inches. still a jack. sucka. anywho, fished some more and caught some keeper trout off a johnson silver sprite and a black/chrome she dog. fun time. met up with a Team Oso member, oso-obsessed. nice guy, he had his bro with him and they were a couple nice guys. they fished with me for a while, didn't catch much, but they left with a nice 25" in red. not too shabby for their first time out on PINS. i came home about 7pm. final count was 2 trout, 1 spanish mackeral, and 1 redfish. not a bad day at all.

so that was friday. saturday rolled around and it was time to finally start working for lowe's. i get there and it was still "rack set". so i put on a hard hat with the name "irene" on it... i didn't have time to get a marker and put my name on it... so i was "irene" for a day. that was rough work, but it was done and not the store it ready to receive merchandise. 6 million worth. nice eh? that's what i did on saturday and sunday from 8-6pm. 18 hours of work. i like it. sunday afternoon was spent outside, and boy... was it HOT out there. i was drenched in sweat. my poor shirt was wet all the way in and out. both of them. so i came home and showered.

Then this morning i woke up at 7am and went to work for big lots. for the one day i got this week. i'm pissed about that, but that's another story. long story short, i'm looking for another p/t job. i need the 2 jobs to keep up with bills. isn't that sad? i need 2 jobs just to make it. uff. oh well, that's life i guess. anywho, that's how my weekend was spent... friday was the only truly FUN day. but the others were nice... well i'm goin to get back to homework, i just figured i'd take a little time to update this poor blog. werd up...

~Rock On...

its been a while...

yes it has been hasn't it? not a whole lot has occured since the last time i've blogged. biglots dropped me off the schedule this week... those fkers... but that's something i don't care to get into today. classes are ok this year, i feel like i'm in a couple of classes that i don't belong. the people in those classes use big words that i don't recognize should be used in everyday vocabulary... and it scares me. seriously... i feel like i'm in a class with a bunch of "stewies" <0--from Family Guy. scary eh?

so now i just got to heather's dorm and i woke her up b/c she asked me to. so now she's up... the bum. i'm one to talk... M and W my first class isn't until 1pm. ha. i start my lowe's job on saturday and work from 8-6pm. not bad. for two days i get 18 hours. i like, i like!

Supposedly my other job is going to put me back on the schedule , but since i know i need two jobs right now, i'm going to search for one on campus... i told heather i'd start this week, but yea, still haven't done it. jeebus...

I got a date from a very inebriated Phil the other day for Hell Nite. i'm already making plans for it, and as soon as i get a chance i'm going into lowe's and asking for that weekend off. i'm purty sure i'll get it seeing as how no one is prolly going to ask for such a random date off. hopefully heather won't have to work that weekend either, but we'll see. if she doesn't then for sure i'm heading up that way to visit you guys... but if she doesn't have the weekend off... i dunno. its just not a trip without her. i'd try to make it to initiation as well, but since its like in a week, i'm purty sure i won't be able to make that one. but make it a fun one for the kiddies kids. the hardest part will be saving money to get up there... i think last time i only spent 60 bucks on gas... which wasn't so bad, but of course gas prices weren't as high as they presently are. meh, i'll wing it.

... heather sidetracked me...

now... where was i? i dunno.. but i'm lazy and don't feel like scrolling up... so i'll move on to fishing. Yes, fishing. the surf has been nice lately... although with this rain that has been pouring out into the gulf i'm sure it has mudd-ied it up a bit. either way i'm making a run down PINS tomorrow. god willing i'll get my fishing liscence today and then i shall rule the world... ok, maybe not the world but for sure i'll get to fish... legally. Its been a while since i've gone wading, but on a windy weekend (last weekend) i went and waded along the JFK causeway. not a whole lot of action, but i had a good time and caught a couple small reds, as well as trout and all the "bait stealers". you know the ones. back to what i was saying, i will be going down PINS tomorrow... as far as my lil truck can go. with no four wheel drive i should be able to get down to hopefully the 10 or so. if not... well i'll try it anyway. i'm prepared to dig myself out this time :D

so that is what has been happening in my life as of recently. not a whole lot as you can tell... but like they say "no news is good news". so now i'm just waiting to get my refund check from school... they say it should be here friday... i hope it comes sooner... i need that cash for rent this month :x

~Rock On...